Well, this is not what I had planned.
I have not posted in over a week, mostly because I haven't known what to say. I still don't, but I feel like breaking my blog silence will do me some good. My Aunt Vickie died unexpectedly in her sleep on Sunday, April 22. She was 53 and left behind three boys, Robert, Michael and John, and her husband, my Uncle Bob. I saw her the night before she died. She wasn't even sick.*
We were shocked by the call that came on Sunday afternoon. We have remained so all week, despite attending to the practical concerns related to funeral preparations. Many words could be used to describe my family's state; grief-stricken and heart-sickened come to mind. The primary word I use to describe the past week is impossible. I have not yet grasped this absurd new reality. I don't think any of us have. We are still staggered by the loss of my aunt; her death is beyond understanding. I feel sick. I am in mourning myself, and I am also devastated for my cousins and my uncle. Thank goodness for family, the ultimate solace, and the good friends who stand strong and keep you from collapsing under the weight of unanticipated grief. The pain would be overwhelming otherwise.
My Aunt Vickie's death was so very, very different from my Grandma's death. My Grandma died less than two years ago. Near the end, she told her children she had lived a good life and was ready to go. Her going felt right, although we were saddened when she died and miss her still. My Aunt Vickie, on the other hand, was in her prime with so much more on her agenda. This is one of those times when you scream, "Why did this happen?", "Life isn't fair!" or "This is wrong!" And you don't really come to any easy answers.
I asked my dad how you go on, as a death like my Aunt Vickie's feels like too much to process. He said prayer and time help, and that is when and where you receive comfort and peace. Each loss provides an education, although I do not wish to learn. What have you discovered about life, people and/or yourself through grieving?
*That we knew of.